Chapter 8

Millicent had her first appointment with Dr. Gubbins.  As she waiting at his office the smell from a patchouli candle burning on the table made her slightly nauseous.  Looking around the room Millicent had a hard time believing this was the same therapist her brother had seen.  She was sitting in one of only two chairs in the office.  On the other side of the room there were beanbag chairs on the floor along with several large pillows.  There was no desk, no filing cabinet, no bookcase, no telephone.  A boom box on top of wooden stool softly played an Enya CD.

The door finally opened and a man entered.  Dr. Gubbins looked like Millicent expected after surveying the room.  His curly hair was untamed and in need of a cut.  He work black framed glasses, brown pants and a multicolored tunic.  The only thing that distinguished him as being a therapist was the file folder and clipboard he was carrying.

“Welcome Millicent,” he said.

“Hello.”

“I understand I saw your brother some years ago,” he said, sitting on the only other vacant chair.

“Yes,” Millicent said.  “He recommending I come to see you.”

“Very good.  Have you ever been to a therapist before?” he asked.

“No.”

"Well I want to make this a comfortable experience for you Millicent,” Dr. Gubbins said, speaking very slowly.  “So please let me know if there is anything I can do to make that happen for you.  Would you like some water or tea?”

“No, but could you blow the candle out?” Millicent asked.  “The smell is making me queasy.”

“Absolutely,” Gubbins said, blowing out the candle and writing something on his clipboard.  “Now, why don’t we start with you telling my why you’re here.”

“My brother thinks I have unresolved issues about a guy I knew a long time ago.”

“What would he think that?”

She told him what happened at the movies.

“I see.  You brother may be right.”  Gubbins made some more notes. 
“What is this man’s name and where did you meet him?”

“His name is George and I met him at university.  And looking back it we didn’t really have much of a relationship.”

* * *

Millicent has just started her final year at Oxford when she met George.  It was her first day of chem lab.  Everyone had been assigned partners and Millicent was the odd person out until George came in late.  Although he didn’t look much different from hundreds of other guys on campus, Millicent was immediately attracted to him.  He had dark black hair and brown eyes.  He wore what most guys on campus wore, jeans and a T-shirt under a unbuttoned plaid flannel shirt.

"Hiya,” he said as he sat down next to Millicent.  “Guess we’ll be working together for the next couple of months.  I should warn you, I’m not very good at chemistry.”

“That’s okay,” Millicent said.  “I am.”

“Fantastic,” he said.  “I’m George.”

For the next several months Millicent lived for Tuesday and Thursday afternoons when she got to see George.  They both had Professor Archer for the lecture part of the class but at different times and days, Millicent at 9 a.m. on Mondays and George at 3 p.m. on Wednesdays.  But Millicent soon discovered that George rarely went to class and usually asked for Millicent for her notes during lab on Thursdays.  He would copy her notes while she did that day’s experiment, developing a hypothesis, documenting her findings and writing a conclusion.

“You’re a peach Millie,” George would say.  He was the only one who called her that and Millicent loved him more because of it.  “I’d flunk miserably if it weren’t for you.”

The highlight of the term came when Millicent spent all night with George studying for the final exam.  He asked her to his flat and Millicent was thrilled.  She spent two hours deciding what to wear to her first study date.  But when George opened the door Millicent discovered it wasn’t a date after all.

“Everyone, this is Millie.  She’s an absolute whiz at chemistry,” George said to the group.  He introduced her to Geoff, Simon and a pretty blond named Bridget.  She was disappoint it was just her and George but was happy just to be spending time with him.

A week after the exam she ran into George on the way to see the test postings.

“Hiya Millie,” George said.  “Going to see how you did?”

“Yes.  Are you done with all your exams?”

“Just finished.”

The scores were posted outside Professor Archer’s office.  Millicent found her score, an A.  She stepped back so George could see his.

“I got a B,” he said.  “I got a B!”  He turned around, grabbed Millicent and spun her around.  “I can’t believe it.  I never would have been able to do it without you Millie.”  He put her down and planted a kiss on her lips.  “You’ve been fantastic.  Cheers!”  And then he was gone.

* * *

“How did that kiss make you feel?” Dr. Gubbins asked.

“Special, thrilled,” Millicent said.  “I thought this was the start of something.”

“You thought he’d be your boyfriend?”

“Yes.  Pretty naïve don’t you think?”

“No, not necessarily.  What happened next?”

“He went home for the holidays.”

“And?”

“We didn’t have any classes together until Easter term,” Millicent said.

“Did you see him between terms?”

“Occasionally I’d see him in the Student Union.  He’d give me a quick ‘Hiya Millie’ and then he’d be off.  He never called to see how I was or ask me out.”

“And what are you feeling during this time?” Dr. Gubbins asked.

“When I saw him I felt great.  He was always nice to me.  Then weeks would go by and I’d start looking for him everywhere.  I realize now that I was just grateful for the attention.  I was living at home with my parents, who were both professors, and didn’t have many friends so my social life was virtually nonexistent.”

“I think we’re making good progress,” Dr. Gubbins said, closing his file folder.  “We’ve done enough for today.  I’ll see you next week.”

* * *

The next morning John called to see how her therapy session went.

“I think he might have changed a bit since you saw him,” Millicent said.

“Why do you say that?”

“Did he wear a tunic and have patchouli candles burning when you saw him?”

“No.”

“Right then.  I don’t think he’s the guy for me.”

“Give him one more try,” John said.  “If you don’t feel different after that then you don’t have to go back.”

“Okay.  Let me talk to Sophie.”

When Sophie got on the phone Millicent told her about Andrew.

“Wow, what are odds?” Sophie asked.

“Right?”

“Just be careful.”

“I will,” Millicent assured her, “but please don’t tell John.  We’re just friends and John doesn’t need to know, at least not yet.”

* * *

It was almost eleven o’clock when Andrew and Millicent walked out of the movie theater.  The sidewalk on Oxford Street was still crowded with people.

“Next time, I pick the move,” Millicent said as she buttoned her jacket.

“I thought it was a great movie,” Andrew said.

“It was horrible.  So horrible I don’t think I can find any other words to describe it.”

“I thought you liked Harrison Ford.”

“I do but don’t you think he’s getting a bit old to be doing these action movies.  He’s past sixty.”

“Okay, you may be right.  There’s a coffee shop in the next block.  Want to get something?”

“Sure, but decaf for me.”

The shop was crowded for a Friday night and Millicent and Andrew got the last vacant table.

“How was your week?” Andrew asked.

“Fine, and yours?”

“Same.  I have to go to Brussels next week.”

“For how long?” Millicent asked.

“Hopefully only two days.  I’m leaving Thursday morning and should be back Friday night.  What are you doing next weekend?”

“Working, nothing exciting.”

“You know what I just remember?  That conversation we had about expectations.   Do you remember?” Andrew asked.

“It was on the drive to Oxford.”

“And you said you didn’t have any expectations for yourself.”

Millicent sipped her coffee.  “I remember.”

“Do you still feel that way?”

“I haven’t really thought about it much,” Millicent said.  “I guess I kind of just go through life one day at a time, see where things take me.  I don’t tend to think too far into the future.  I have no idea as to where I’ll be in a year or five years or even ten.  I guess I do feel the same way.  No expectations.”

Millicent noticed that Andrew’s attention had wavered and he was looking at the coffee shop door.

“What is it?” Millicent asked, turning to see what he was looking at.  Three men had staggered in, obviously drunk.

“Bloody hell,” Andrew said under his breath.

“Do you know them?” Millicent asked.

“Just some blokes from work I’d rather not talk . . .”

“Andrew!” one of the guys yelled and the trio came over to the table.

“Hey Bob.  What’s up?” Andrew asked.

“Just out having some fun, aren’t we boys,” Bob said, punching one of the guys in the arm.

“Hey Hugh, I didn’t think your wife ever let you off that leash,” Andrew said.

“Screw you,” Hugh said, slurring his words.  “She’s visiting her Mum in Manchester.”

“Lucky her,” Andrew said.

“So aren’t you going to introduce us to your date?” Bob asked.

“Millicent, this is Bob, Hugh and Steve.”

“Millicent?” Steve asked, thinking hard.  “I though her name was Laura.  Or was it Dora?”

“No, no, it’s Nora,” Bob insisted.  “Nora.”

“This isn’t Flora, you arse,” Andrew said.

All three men started laughing.  “You’re quite the bloke juggling two women at once.  I never knew you had it in you,” Bob said.

Andrew stood up and grabbed Bob’s arm.  “Piss off, why don’t you?”

“Andrew, it’s okay,” Millicent said.

“No, it’s not,” Andrew replied.

“Don’t get so touchy,” Bob said, pushing Andrew’s hand off his arm.  “We’ll just get our coffee and go.”  A few minutes later they were gone.

Andrew apologized to Millicent.  “I never did like any of them,” he said.

“They obviously know about Flora and had to give you a hard time because I wasn’t her.  Chances are they probably won’t ever remember it Monday morning.  They seemed pretty pissed.”

“Let’s hope so.”

* * *

The following week Millicent paid a second visit to Dr. Gubbins.  This time there were no candles burning.

“Would you feel more comfortable on the floor?” Dr. Gubbins asked, pointing to the bean bag chairs.

“No, this chair will do just fine.”

“Okay,” he said, taking notes.  “When we left off last week you had been telling me about George.  You didn’t have another class with him until spring.”

“We had Modern and Medieval Languages together.”

“And how did you feel about seeing him again?”

“Fantastic.”

* * *

“Hiya Millie,” George said as he took the seat next to her.  “Am I glad you’re in this class.  Professor Hillard is supposed to be one tough bird.”

“I heard that too,” Millicent said.  “Did you have a good Easter holiday?”

“Oh yeah, went skiing in Switzerland with my mate Simon.  It was fantastic.”

“It sounds like it,” Millicent said, unaware that George hadn’t inquired about her holiday.

“Before I forget, give me your number again.  I think I lost it,” George said.

“Really?”

“So I can ring you to get notes if I happen to miss a class, or two,” George said, handing her his notebook.   Millicent gleefully wrote down her phone number.  And for the next several weeks whenever Millicent didn’t see George in class he would call her to arrange to meet.

“What are you doing after graduation?” Millicent asked George during a study session the night before their last exam.

“I’m thinking of taking a year off, travel a bit.  I’ve always wanted to go to New York City,” he said.

“I’ve heard it’s wonderful,” Millicent said.  “How long do you think you’ll be gone?”

“Not sure.  Probably until my money runs out.”

“Then what?”

“Don’t rightly know.  Probably come back here, settle down, get a job.  You know, become, an adult.”

The next day Millicent waited outside the lecture hall for George to finish the exam.  She watched as her ran right past her.

“George!” she shouted.

George turned around but didn’t stop running.  “Hiya, Millie.  You’ve been a great help! Cheers!”

“Have fun in New York!” Millicent yelled as she watched him turn the corner and was out of sight.

* * *

“Did you hear from George after graduating?” Dr. Gubbins asked.

“No.  But two years later we ran into each other at the Virgin Megastore on High Street.  He’d just gotten back from America and was looking for a flatmate.  I was working as a copy editor at the Oxford Mail and was staying with John and his wife Cynthia while I was trying to find a place of my own.  George suggested we share a flat.”

* * *

“Millie!” George yelled from his bedroom one morning.  “Have you gone to the launderette this week?”

“I’m sorry,” Millicent yelled back from the kitchen where she was cleaning up the breakfast plates.  “I haven’t had the chance.  I’ll go this evening.”

“Damn it, Millie,” George said, walking out of his bedroom wearing only his suit pants.  “I need my blue shirt for work today.  What am I going to do now?”

“Can’t you wear another shirt?”

“I guess I’ll have to,” he said, returning to his room.  A few minutes later he emerged wearing a white shirt that went perfectly with his suit.

“Will you be home for tea?” Millicent asked as George headed for the door.

“Probably.  Half past six.”

“I’ll have everything ready.  Have a good day,” Millicent said, but George was already out the door.

When Millicent got home that night she put dinner in the oven and began sorting the clothes for the laundry.  At six-thirty the table was set and the food was ready.  By seven George still hadn’t arrived.  Millicent put her food back in the oven.  It was another half hour before George came home.

“The food’s been waiting for an hour,” Millicent said.  “I’m not sure if it’s edible anymore.”

“Just throw it out.”

“Okay,” Millicent said.  “I guess I run down to the launderette then.”

“Millie, we need to talk.”

Millicent sat on the sofa still holding the bag of dirty clothes.

“I’m getting married,” George said.

“What?”  Millicent wasn’t sure she heard him correctly.

“I’m getting married.”

“To whom?”

“You know about Anna.”

“No, I don’t know about Anna,” Millicent said.

“We’ve only been seeing each other for six months now,” George said in disbelief.  “Anyway, she wants to move in here so that means you’ll have to move out.”

“I have to leave?”

“Well I can’t have you still here when Anna moves in, now can I?”

Millicent was in shock.  “When do you want me to go?”

“Tomorrow.”

“And just where am I supposed to go?” Millicent asked, on the verge of tears.

“Not my problem.”

Now Millicent did start to cry.  She didn’t understand what was happening, how this was happening.

“I thought that we . . .,” Millicent cried.

“Oh, stop your blubbering,” George said.  “Really Millie, what did you expect?  That we’d be flatmates forever?”

“No, but I thought that you and I . . .”

“What?  Did you really think that we would be a couple?  That you’d be my girlfriend?”  George laughed.  “You’ve got to be kidding me.  I would never, ever hook up with you.”

“We’ve been living together for over a year,” Millicent cried.

“As flatmates.”

“What makes Anna so special?”

“For one thing, she’s gorgeous.  She’s outgoing and funny.  You, I’m afraid, are nothing like her,” George said, looking at Millicent dressed on an old T-shirt and dirty sweat pants holding his dirty laundry.  Millicent continued to cry.

“So you’ll be out tomorrow, eh?” George asked, going through a stack of mail.

“I won’t make you wait that long.  I’ll be gone tonight,” Millicent cried, dumping the cloths on the floor and fleeing to her room.    

“Fantastic,” George said.  “I’m going to run out for a bit.  Just leave your key on the table when you go.”

Millicent immediately began packing as she continued to cry.  When she had woken up this morning she was happy but now that had all changed. Within an hour she had all her belongings in her car.  As she pulled away from the building Millicent realized she had no place to go.  Her parents had died, John was on the other side of the country and she had no real friends to turn to.  She drove aimlessly around the city, wondering how everything had gone so terribly wrong.

* * *

“Did you think George was in love with you?” Dr. Gubbins asked.

“I was in love with him,” Millicent said.  “I thought in time he would fall in love with me.  I did everything for him.  I cooked, I cleaned, I did his laundry, I went to the chemist for him when he was sick.  At the time I couldn’t understand why it seemed so easy for him to just throw me out.”

“And now?”

“Now I see things differently.  Now I know the wanker was just using me.”

“And you’re still angry about it?”

Millicent thought for a moment.  “No, I don’t think I am.”

“Then why did you act the way you did when you saw George at the movies?”

“I never really expected to see him again.”

“And yet when you did, he seemed to have no recollection of you?”

“I guess I should be grateful he didn’t recognize me.  I don’t think I could have reminisced about the good ole days.”

“So how do you think you’d react if you saw him again?” Dr. Gubbins asked.

“Better than the last time but I don’t think I’d want to engage him in conversation or anything,” Millicent said.

“Millicent, I think we are just scratching the surface of your feelings concerning George.  But in time, I believe we can work together to find some closure for you.  Make another appointment with my receptionist on your way out for next week.”

But Millicent has already decided that this would be her last visit with Dr. Gubbins.  Talking about it had been helpful but Millicent didn’t feel the need to delve deeper into her past.  She had gotten over George.  Millicent thanks Dr. Gubbins for his help and walked out of the office without stopping.

When Millicent got home she had a message from Andrew asking her to call him.  Millicent dialed his number as she got a bottle of water out of the fridge.

“How was Brussels?” Millicent asked when Andrew answered.

“Business as usual.”

“So what’s up?”  Millicent heard a voice in the background.  She could tell Flora was with him.  “Is this a good time?”

“Hang on,” Andrew said.

Millicent sat down at the kitchen table and looked through her mail as she waited.

“I’m back,” Andrew said.

“I can ring you tomorrow if you can’t talk now,” Millicent said.

“No, it’s okay.  I wanted to ask if you were free this Saturday night.”

“Free for what?”

“The bank is celebrating its centennial this year.  We’re having a huge party, dinner, dancing, the works.  It’s going to be a very formal affair at the Savoy.  I wanted to see if you would go with me.”

“Because you can’t take Flora.”

“Yes,” Andrew said uncomfortably.  “But I really would like you to come with me.  I promise you’ll have fun.”

“And Flora is okay with you taking me?” Millicent asked.

“She’s totally okay with it,” Andrew lied.  He hadn’t told Flora anything about Millicent.  “She understands it’s a work thing and I have attend.  She knows that we’re just friends.”

“I’ll have to buy a dress,” Millicent said.

“Going in the buff would make a statement, probably not the right one.  So you’ll come?”

“A free dinner at the Savoy?  I guess I can go.”

“Fantastic.  I’ll come by at seven.  See you then.”