Chapter 5

By the time Andrew got to his room he knew what he had to do. He dialed Flora’s cell phone.

“Can you talk?” Andrew asked when she answered.

“Just a moment.” Andrew could hear her telling someone she had to take this call. A few minutes later he heard a door close and Flora came back on.

“Andrew, I’m so glad to hear your voice,” Flora said. “Things are dreadful here. I can’t wait to see you. Is next weekend going to work?”

“Actually Flora, I don’t think I’ll be able to come back to Oxford until I’m completely done here,” Andrew said.

“Oh no, why?”

“I’ve been thinking. We can’t go on like this.”

“Like what? This is the way it’s always been,” Flora said. “You knew it would be this way.”

“I know but I’ve come to realize I want more.”

“More? I love you Andrew, what more can you want?”

“But you’re not mine. You may not love Ian but you belong to him. You’re his wife. And that won’t change unless you divorce.

“Not this again. I need Ian’s money but I don’t love him.

“But as long as you’re with him you can’t be with me, not completely. We’ve never taken a walk together. We’ve never eaten in a restaurant together. We’ve never even been out in public together.”

“You know why we can’t do those things and it never bothered you before.”

“It bothers me now.”

“Let’s not talk about this now,” Flora said. “You’ll be back in a month, right? We can talk about it when you return.”

Andrew took a deep breath. As much as he wanted to end things at the moment he knew this breakup couldn’t happen over the phone. It would have to wait. “Okay.”

After he hung up the phone all Andrew felt was dread. He realized that ending it with Flora wasn’t going to be easy. There were too many restrictions in their relationship. He wanted freedom, something he hadn’t felt in a long time.

It was Millicent who had helped him see things clearly. Her life, her experiences helped him realize that he had no future with Flora. And he wanted a future with someone.

* * *

There was a festive atmosphere at dinner that night. Sophie joined them and the table was full of talk and laughter. The Wilsons from Dublin were guests for the night. Millicent arrived wearing a light blue summer dress. Her hair was loosely pinned up and for the first time Andrew thought she looked pretty. Upon seeing her he wanted to rush to her side and tell her about his conversation with Flora, but instead John approached him to ask a question about the budget and everyone sat down to eat. Millicent sat at the opposite end of the table from Andrew. When she looked over at him she returned his gaze with a smile.

After dinner Millicent disappeared. Andrew made small talk for a while and then went to look for her. He found her sitting on a bench in the garden.

“Hi,” he said as he sat down next to her.

“It looked like Mrs. Wilson was talking your ear off,” Millicent said.

“She and her husband left five dogs at home and she’s worried about them.” He laughed and sat on the bench next to her.

"She misses them.”

“She might, but I think Mr. Wilson is glad for the time away,” Andrew said. All of a sudden he felt awkward talking to her. He didn’t know where to start.

“I wanted…,” Millicent began at the same time Andrew said, “Millicent…”

They both laughed. “You first,” he said.

“I wanted to thank you again for today,” she said.

“Thank you for coming with me. It was good to get out. It wouldn’t have been nearly as fun if I had been by myself,” Andrew said. “I think your nose got a little sunburned.”

“I think you’re right,” Millicent blushed. “What did you want to say?”

“I wanted to thank you for helping me make a decision today,” he said.

“A decision?”

“Yes. When we got back I called Flora and told her I didn’t think our relationship was going to work.”

“I helped you decide that?” Millicent asked.

“You helped me to see that I don’t have a future with Flora. She wants to talk about it when I get back to Oxford, but for me it’s over.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” Millicent said sincerely.

“I’m happy about this,” Andrew said, taking her hand in his. “I feel as if a weight has been lifted off me, one I didn’t even know I was carrying. I feel as if I have this freedom I didn’t have before. Thanks to you.”

“I’m glad you’re happy.”

“What about you?” he asked. “I want you to be happy too. To feel what I’m feeling.”

“If you’re happy then I’m happy.”

“You’re like nobody I’ve ever known,” Andrew said squeezing her hand. “I want more for you. You are a good person Millicent, and you deserve happiness. You need to forget about the past.”

“What do you know about my past?” Millicent asked.

“John told me what happened with George,” Andrew said. “I know what he did to you. I know about the accident and how you got that scar on your face.”

Millicent yanked her hand away and stood up. She walked away but then turned to Andrew.

“How long have you known?” she asked.

“Since we got back from Oxford,” he answered.

“Of course, it makes sense now. You felt sorry for me. You pitied me. Poor Millicent, stupid, foolish Millicent,” she cried. “Just a pathetic woman hiding away, wasting away until she dies.”

“It’s not like that,” Andrew said, trying to comfort her.

“Don’t touch me, please,” Millicent said, stepping away from him.

“I don’t understand,” Andrew said.

“I don’t want to be friends with someone who feels sorry for me.”

“But I don’t.”

“How could you not after what John told you? Look at me. I’d hideous. I’m ugly and scarred. How could anyone love me?”

“You are not ugly. There is so much more to you that what’s on the outside.”

“What you feel is pity. You’re a good man and you feel sorry for me now that you know what happened to me. I can’t expect you to feel otherwise. Remember? No expectations.”

Millicent turned to walk back to the manor. Andrew called her name but she didn’t stop and he didn’t go after her. Was Millicent right? Could he have made a mistake, wanting to end the relationship with Flora because he pitied Millicent? Had he mistaken pity for love? Andrew wasn’t sure what he felt anymore.

* * *

Millicent was crying when she ran into Sophie in the lobby as she was leaving.

“What happened?” Sophie asked.

“Did you know that John told Andrew about George?” Millicent asked.

“No. When did he tell him?”

“After that terrible trip to Oxford. Sophie, I can’t bear to be here tonight. I’m so angry at John.”

“Come stay with me tonight.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“Go wait in the car. I’ll tell John so that he doesn’t worry about you.”

* * *

It had been dark for a long time when Andrew realized he was cold. He was still sitting in the garden trying to figure out his feelings for Millicent. He heard voices coming from the manor and looked up to see a woman emerge out the back door and towards the garden. She was immaculately dressed in black slacks and a bright blue designer T-shirt that was covered by a black leather jacket. Her mane of blond hair glowed in the moonlight.

“Flora?” Andrew asked as he stood. “What are you doing here?”

“We have to talk,” Flora said.

“Is everything alright? Does Ian know you’re here?”

“I told him I was going to my sister’s,” she said.

“What if he checks up on you?” Andrew asked.

“He won’t. Look, I didn’t drive five bloody hours to this God-forsaken place to talk about Ian,” Flora said. “You love me. I know you love me. We can work this all out.”

“Flora, I just don’t know,” Andrew said desperately.

“I need you. You and Matthew are the only things that keep me sane. I don’t understand why things have to change. I don’t understand why you’ve changed.”

“I don’t know if can explain it.”

“Try. Does it have to do with Millicent?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe? Did something happen? Is it over? If so, we can move on. I can forgive you.”

“I just thought . . . I don’t know what I thought. She is just so different from you.”

“Different how?” Flora asked. “Different better?”

“No, just different. And I thought she had feelings for me but now it seems everything has changed.”

“Darling,” Flora said, taking his hand. “You need to get away from here. Come back to Oxford with me. We can work things out. If you want changes we can make changes. You need to get back to your normal life.”

“I think I need some time to figure things out.”

“Come back to Oxford,” Flora insisted. “I promise I will give you as much time as you need, but please, come home with me.”

“I can’t just leave,” Andrew said.

“Why not? The bank can send someone else here tomorrow to finish the job. Things will be better when you get home.”

Andrew looked at Flora. He had missed her and she did love him. Maybe she would leave Ian after all. Maybe he could show her that she didn’t need his money, he could provide for her and Matthew.

“Let’s get your things,” Flora said.

* * *

In the morning Millicent was already in the kitchen making tea when Sophie came down. She had tried to get Millicent to talk about what had happened with Andrew but Millicent kept silent and insisted she was tired and went to bed. After buttering a piece of toast Sophie tried again.

“You might feel better if you tell me what happened,” Sophie suggested.

Millicent sat down at the table with a cup of tea in her hand. Sophie said down next to her.

“Andrew told me was going to break up with Flora.”

“Really? I bet he has feelings for you,” Sophie said excitingly.

“If he did they only came after he heard about George.”

“What? You’ve lost me.”

“Isn’t it obvious? John told him about what happened and now Andrew feels sorry for me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. He doesn’t feel sorry for you.”

“How can you be sure?” Millicent asked.

“I can’t. But after talking to Andrew he seems like a man with compassion.”

“A person like Andrew could never fall in love with a person like me.”

“A person like you? Millicent, there is nothing wrong with you.”

“You’re not blind. You can see just as clearly as I can that I’m ugly. I’m damaged. That’s what’s wrong with me.”

“You definitely not damaged. You are kind and caring and smart. Those things count for something.”

“Not as much as physical beauty.”

“And you think Andrew only sees what’s on the outside?” Sophie asked.

“In my case it’s pretty hard to get past.”

“Andrew did. You thought Andrew couldn’t see past your self-proclaimed ugliness but the real problem is that you can’t overcome your fear of allowing someone to care about you. Andrew got to see you for the beautiful person you really are. There’s more to beauty than what’s on the outside.”

“Andrew said the same thing,” Millicent said.

“You see. I’m right. Now, you need to get yourself dressed, go home and tell Andrew how you feel.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“Of course you can,” Sophie insisted.

“Why does this have to be so hard?” Millicent asked.

“Because that’s the way life is sometimes.”

“Thank you, Sophie.”

“What are friends for?”

* * *

Sophie drove Millicent back to the manor and then went into town to open her store. Millicent walked up to the third floor and noticed the door to Andrew’s room was open. The room had been cleaned. Nothing of Andrew remained. Millicent opened the armoire. It was empty. Millicent quickly ran downstairs and into John’s office.

“Where is he?” she asked, breathless. “Where did he go?”

John looked up from his computer. “He left. Apparently Flora came up for him and the two left in the middle of the night. He said he wouldn’t be coming back and the bank would send someone else to finish the job. I’ve been on the phone all morning trying to straighten this mess out. He might not have a job anymore.”

“How could he leave without saying goodbye?”

“I think Flora was pretty convincing,” John said. “She is one gorgeous woman.”

Millicent ran out to the garden. She flung open the back gate and continued to run to the cliffs. Her tears and the wind stung her face as she continued to run down to the beach. Millicent fell to her knees where the water met the sand, and sobbed as the white foamy water surrounded her.

* * *

After dinner John went up to Millicent’s room. She hadn’t come down to eat and he was concerned. Her door was open and there was a suitcase on her bed.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“London.”

“Why?”

“I need to get away from here,” Millicent said. Once again she had allowed someone to get close to her and, once again, she got hurt. She was angry and felt stupid for letting it happen. She knew she needed to start over. She needed to get away from Wainwright Manor.

“What has happened?”

“Nothing,” she lied. “I just need to go.”

“Did Andrew do something to you.”

“No,” Millicent said.

“He left with Flora. He loves her.”

Millicent continued to throwing clothes into her suitcase.

“I can still lose the manor, Millicent. The bank could still take everything away.”

“I know.”

“So you decide now is the time to leave? I can’t get this place back on track and worry about you at the same time.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, John.”

“After what happened in Oxford? Don’t be ridiculous.”

Maybe that’s been the problem,” Millicent said. “Maybe I need to start taking care of myself.”

“You’re not ready,” John said.

Millicent slammed her closet door. “I am ready!” she yelled.

John looked at her in amazement. He’d never seen her so angry or so determined before.

“It’s time for me to step out on my own,” Millicent said. “I’ve let the memory of what happened with George turn me into someone I don’t like. I want to change. I want to make a fresh start. Can’t you understand that? After Cynthia you got a second chance. I want mine.”

John said down on her bed. “I can understand.”

“I’m sorry the timing isn’t great, but it’s something I have to do and do now.”

“I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too.”

John gave Millicent a hug and took her suitcase off her bed. The two went downstairs. Sophie was waiting to take Millicent to the train.

“Will you come with us to the station?” Millicent asked John.

“Of course.”